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So you want to know About Us, huh? Well, maybe we don’t want to tell you
About Us. What if you’re some crazy insane asylum escapee trying to find
out About Us in order to discover our weaknesses so you can use our faces
as a dinette set. What is so damn special About Us? Tell me that. Tell
Me!!!!......... Oh, the videos. I apologize. I couldn’t hear you at
first. Yes, the videos are quiet interesting. I’d be happy to tell you
all about the videos…but you’re not gonna find out a sliver of info About
US!! I promise you that…..Wow, you’re really persistent. If you want to
know About Us so freakin’ bad I’ll tell you. Fine, I’ll tell you. But it’s
not going to be the truth…Okay, I’m just kidding with you at this point.
Read all the true tales About Us below. (None of it’s true though) See
what I did there, I used parenthesis as a doorway to my inner conscience
so you have a heads up about the About Us. (Now you’re just eating out of
my hand. What follows About Us is true to the last syllable.) But don’t
believe everything you hear. (Seriously, believe it) You know conscience,
you getting on my nerves. (Getting on your nerves, I’m the one that has to
live up here in this festering shitpile of a brain.) Yeah, how bout that
time you stole from Mr. Larson at the candy store and we got arrested,
huh? (I don’t believe this! That was your fault! I told you repeatedly not
steal, and look how bad you felt afterward.) Shut up. Mr. Larson can stick
it. Anyway, here’s a little something About Us. Believe what you want. (Or
none of it)
THE RAD
CATS
Jesse
Good…
Is a founding member of The Rad Cats, along with his
friend Dave and brother Jason. Jesse has Editing Credits for all the
videos. But the story does not begin there. He was born in early December
1965. The child of a Vietnam Vet and a Vietnamese prostitute, Jesse soon
learned all he needed about survival. He was orphaned in Hanoi in 1975.
At the young age of 10, Jesse soon rose to the top rankings of Vietnamese
Russian Roulette. Kidnapped, boxed, and shipped to San Francisco, Jesse
finally made it to the United States in 1979. He escaped the abusive
household of his gay foster parents and found himself hoping on and off
trains all around the country like a hobo. Jesse eventually settled down
in Northern New Jersey, the crux of the film industry where he is
continually refining his craft of film editing. His future plans include a
trip back to Vietnam to find the roulette mobsters that owe him money and
a novel about his life.
Jesse enjoys long walks in the park and Madden 05’.
David Jankowski…
Was imprisoned in psychiatric ward when he
was a small child. The doctors had apparently mistaken David’s genius for
insanity. See, Phd’s at that time didn’t have enough insight to realize
that burning the eyes out of Ken Dolls and crazy gluing road kill to
windshields is a way for masterminds to express creativity. Luckily for
Dave and the rest of The Rad Cats, he was released when he turned 21.
Having no social skills or formal education, it was easy for him to
befriend Jesse and together found The Rad Cats. To this day, Dave believes
that he really just escaped the psychiatric ward. He is merely biding his
time, waiting for the moment when he can cast out the evil ruler of
Dimension 5, Rand, and take his rightful place as King of the Yankshire
Empire. Only time will tell. If you are ever in the presence of his
Majesty Dave, never, ever say the phrase, “Paddy Cake.”
Jason Good…
In 1993, Jesse received a disheartening
correspondence that his younger brother Jason was actually being detained
in Can Coon, Mexico at a small undisclosed nude resort designed for the
top female models from around the globe. Jason was being forced to feed,
oil, and massage all models, under penalty of whipping from the heiress.
Jesse was appalled at the news. He immediately spent his savings on hiring
a highly trained, ex-military rescue squad to extract Jason from the Nude
Model Resort of hell. The mission was daring and saw loses on both sides,
but it was a success. Jason made it to New Jersey thank the Lord. Jesse
and Jason recognized each other immediately because they both have
identical birth marks on their faces called noses. The reunion was a
turning point for The Rad Cats. Jason brings to the camera what the great
Bobby Brown brings to hip hop, a youthful charisma and show stopping
action skills. The Rad Cats would never be the same after Jason was
finally rescued.
Benjamin Lunin…
If you have ever been in prison, you know a
guy like Ben shouldn’t be out of one. He is a gangster to the tenth
degree. Ben has been in and out of so many gangs, mobs, and cults that the
hardest thugs on asphalt from LA to NYC will actually stop and tip their
hats to Ben. If they’re not wearing hats, they’ll give Ben their bandanna.
If a gang member doesn’t have a hat or a bandanna, they’ll run in terror
at the repercussions of his wrath. Most people larger than life, like Ben,
have an unmistakable talent or super power. Ben’s is the ability to stun
and awe with the art of Dance. No move is too dangerous. No ballet to gay.
No worm to long. If it’s good enough for the dance floor its damn sure
good enough for Ben. He proves you can dance and still look hard. Just
check out Snooze Control if you’re an unbeliever.
Thomas Cuomo…
Is
an NYU graduate, Tom is a mild mannered History teacher at a well known
private school in West Orange, New Jersey. He teaches both freshmen and
senior classes. The kids love his down to earth but invigorating teaching
style and the faculty loves his grace. Tom is also an excellent golfer and
tennis player. Tom smokes American Spirits, but wishes to quit soon. He
loves Manhattan and currently resides at 525 Washington St in Hoboken, New
Jersey with his roommate Scott. The commute to work in the morning goes
the other way down Rt. 80, so he is always on time for class. If you ever
have the pleasure of staying with Tom, try his bratwurst because Tom is an
excellent cook. He is currently single, but not looking for a serious
relationship. Tom is also a Loading Dock Troll |
